Worst albums of 2007

Worst albums of 2007:

This, it has to be said – is subjective. You do have to remember this is purely my own opinion and I am sure there were worse albums than these released in 2007. These are merely albums I have had the misfortune of hearing by bands that I would normally be clamouring for their next release. I would love to have included albums such as “Ministry Of Sounds 10,000th hard trance compilation” or the trillions of il-divo rip-offs such as “Blake” that emerge in adverts near Christmas. Just digressing for a second – why is it in all TV adverts of these said artists do they always appear on a windy beach, arms stretched, dressed in white linen (and sometimes a horse)? Maybe I’m missing something here, but to me it just screams windswept desolate lonely isolation, which is actually ironic when you juxtapose that with the type of 40-somethings who buy this fucking shit.

So, the reason why I haven’t included these types of albums (and I am sure they are a lot worse than what I have listed here) is that I haven’t actually given them a fair listen, or listened at all. I cannot judge a CD by it’s cover (even though I KNOW it will be shit) – that would be unfair. So, here I present to you – quite possibly the worst albums I have heard of 2007…

1. The Killers – Sams Town

You can hear it now, some 40 stone American record label boss saying “Hey, the killers a fucking huge in “engerland” – let’s try and get the guys to be more USA friendly.” So they did, it seems. Going off the beaten track a second, I cannot stand the naffness and absolute falseness of Bruce Springsteen, he might be an artist I revere in 40 years, but right now – the man is a tit. Everything about him is so god-damn American it makes me sick. Strangely, this is why I hate the second killers album.
When they emerged they were shiny and new, fresh faced and charming. Only half of their debut album was actually any good – but it was a good half. This on the other hand is 98% Shite. Somehow between taking over the UK music scene, festivals, television and radio back in 2005 / 6, meeting their record label and then recording the obviously ill-fated number two – they somehow lost that sparkle. Everything that made them so charming in the first place. Brandon’s voice throughout irritates – changed completely from their original sound. He now hollers with a more American accent, more gruff, yet wobbly falsetto. More like…the Bruce.
It does have one “ok” track, When you were young. Spoilt by the atrocious lyric “he doesn’t look a thing like jesus” or whatever it is.
I can’t help feeling that the band (being from Las Vegas) ended up walking around one of the many well lit streets in search of “characters to write about” and instead ending up slumped in a corner of the MGM grand high on PCP with hotdog residue all around their mouths. It sounds like (to me) that the band have tried and failed to make a concept album, maybe about Vegas life. Something good old Bruce would do. Bastards.

2. Battles – Mirrored

What. The. Fuck?
For those of you with a sense of humour, you will be familiar with Christopher Morris – and more so his frankly genius TV show – Brass Eye. If you have seen that, cast your mind back to the numerous sequences he had on the show which involved some really fucked up music (made by Morris himself) – the episode I get in mind is the “Drugs” episode, where he successfully makes some celebrities believe that this new drug, Cake – is sweeping the nation. The effects of this fake drug are shown by playing some music. For those of you who haven’t seen Brass Eye before (or seen this episode) you can probably watch it on youtube – although I would buy it, it is genius.
Anyway, to cut a long story short this music on the TV show is purposefully ridiculous. Random bleeps, screams, high-pitched smurf like voices and pounding drums.
This is exactly what this album sounds like.
Rave reviews claiming their genius were clearly paid off by some record exec. The high itched smurf voices do exist. Along with fairground rhythms and melodies that only a fried LCD addled brain can comprehend. Maybe I need some cake to enjoy this? Without it, it is a pretentious, self obsessed, head up it’s arse, confused, terrible terrible mess of an album. If you are curious to just how it sounds, download “Atlas” (although do not pay for it) otherwise avoid – like the fucking plague.


3. Maximo Park – Our earthly pleasures

You know your biggest letdown of 2007 is so bad you can’t actually remember the title of the album. That actually did just happen - it’s in there now because I had to google it. Not a good start.
I was a fan of Maximo Park’s charm and eagerly anticipated their second album. The first single they released off this (our velocity) is a storming track, probably my single of the year (which, I am sorry – I won’t be compiling a list of). Maybe that is why I was so disappointed with this monstrosity. I had high expectations – could the Newcastle band make album two even better than their first? Sadly no, apart from the initial single there are only another one, maybe two stand out tracks – the rest turns into a sloppy dirge. It’s not for lack of trying but maybe they are just trying too hard.

4. Bloc Party – A weekend in the city

Oh dear. I had high hopes for this one too. You see, this is how you don’t make a follow up to a classic debut. It seems a lot of my favourite bands of 2006 went on and released the “difficult second album”, some got it right (Kaiser chiefs), these got it wrong – really wrong. “So tell me already” I hear you cry, “Why was it so bad?”
The trouble is with Bloc Party, is that they can be too schizophrenic for their own good. Mixing music genre can and does work, their ‘throw shit, see if it sticks’ formula worked like a charm on their first album, here – they have unfortunately disregarded everything that made them so exciting. They reigned it in. Sadly.
There are some killer tracks here, Hunting for witches, The Prayer are the only two that spring to mind. The others have fell in between Radio 1 and Radio 2 playlists, stuck and unable to get out of the crevice. Trouble is, they all sound the same. What made their first so exciting is that it was refreshing and completely different to anything around at that time. They have taken just a few elements of that and wiped the rest of the slate clean. I have no problem with bands trying to re-invent the wheel, but god – if you do it don’t make it so bloody boring!

5. Reverend & The Makers – State of the nation

Yawn. This album apparently took years to make. You wouldn’t believe it. It’s crap. The singer isn’t even a reverend – songs are so clichéd it hurts (all about chavs playing on fruit machines, club 18-30 and binge drinking). I don’t want to be reminded how shit Britain is when I listen to a record. Hopefully, they will perish in the fires of hell before too long.

6. The View – Hats off to the buskers

Hardly worth mentioning really, generic indie songs for “the kids” by some Scottish scallywags with a taste for Coke. Relatively catchy, but instantly forgettable.

7. Arctic Monkeys – Favourite worst nightmare

Everyone knows I hate these already. What’s the point? Well, as much as I hated the first album I listened to this anyway. I have been swayed by albums before (look at les savy fav and art brut in my top list). Nothing changed, it’s all the same pointless yorkie hollering about drunk women and how shit Sheffield is. At least this time all the songs actually sound different to each other – I don’t know what it is about this band I hate. They are like an annoying itch I can’t scratch. If they keep on this path of knocking out shit like this it can’t be long before the masses forget about them.
Still, the cover art is really nice.